Author Archives: nabillaadnann

expectation.
dissapointment.

i believe that everyone will have their own way to define “expectation”. but as for me, i would define expectation as a human nature where we predict a situation or a scenario ealier. we create the imagination(s) in our mind in order to fulfill our curiousity by predicting what will happend next.

talking about my experience, i was in a phase where i love to create my own beautiful expectation rather than enjoying the current time that iam living in. the higher i put my expectation, the bigger i grow my hope. but we all know the truth– kita takkan sentiasa berada dalam keadaan yang kita impikan. akan ada masa dimana our own expectation dissapoint our own self. akan ada saat dimana things doesnt go as how we planned. no explaination needed because that is how the life cycle works.

i believe that iam not the only one who went through all those dissapointment day because everyone must have experienced it before, atleast once. and your dissapointment story might be more tragic than mine. but incase no one remind you, let me tell you that those dissapointment that we felt before is normal. it is just another heart broken phase that we need to deal with and another tough time that we supposed to enjoy in order to appreciate those good day(S) more. the sadness that we felt is just because we tell our mind that we failed even though we are actually not. as long as we are given the another chance to still breathing– there are always tonnes of good reason to smile on.

i wont simply claim that i passed all my hard days flawlessly, since there are also times where iam struggling too but atleast iam proud that iam survived. so, these are those few little steps that i always did just to make sure that we all overcome our hard days better.

take our time and enjoy that moment.
i dont really sure what is the right word that i supposed to use to make sure you understand well on how important it is for us to take our own time and create new circle for us to deal with those dissapointment that we felt. but what works on me is, i set my feelings free no matter how long it is. if i want to cry, i will let me cry. if i want to feel sad, i will let me sad. if i want to be alone, i will let me be alone. i will let myself to feel anything because akan ada saat iam tired with all those feelings and i will back on my track again. simple as that. dont be stupid by asking ourself to not cry when we are sad– that is not normal huh *geram laaaa*. we have our own right to feel anything, so kenapa nak jadi kejam dekat diri sendiri by pretending that you are fine when you are not.

avoid the circle that remind you to the dissapointment.
if scrolling your instagram will remind you to your dissapointment, then unistall it. if talking to your friend will make your feelings worser, then stop talking to them. if doing your hobbies will make your heart break again and again, then find new hobby. all i can say is– just isolate yourself from those negativity. always remember that no matter what, we cant control those negativity around us. but we can always fix the way we respond to it. remember, no respond is also a respond ❤. let me break a secret 😛 , i once in a phase where iam insecure with my friends about one thing. the only solution that i find is– to stop talking to them, for that moment. you might feel bad for doing that, but please atleast for once, matter yourself first. your true friends will surely understand you.

re-priorities your priority and focus on yourself more.
use your dissapointment day as a way for you to see your new future clearly. love and appreciate yourself more, build your new goals, make your new plans to achieve many more successness, prepare yourself for many more upcoming things and dont forget to improve yourself and be the best version of you. watching yourself growing better is a statisfying feeling ever !! trust me. just focus on yourself and learn to not measure your happiness based on something. berhenti mengantungkan kebahagian sendiri pada orang lain. we should be the reason for ourselves to be happy.

disclaimer ; dont missout my point. iam writting and publishing this bukan sebab nak encourage anyone untuk stop berharap or stop expecting. we are allow to do anything. but you can count this entry as a beautiful reminder for you to always create your limit in berharap. there is no wrong in berharap especially if you berharap to yourself since this “berharap” can simply boost ourselves to give our best and be the best-est version of us since we want to achieve our expectation. but if this “berharap” is about we berharap to another person, i believe that i doesnt have to finish this sentence, right ? always put your limit no matter what the situation is.

iam also wont say that these tips that works on me will work on you too, but whenever you feel stuck, just remember that this entry will always be here if you need some guide. the struggles that you feel on surviving those days will surely teach you someting that you might never find in any books. well said– experience is the best teacher. the best way to live your life is by not expecting anything at all– follow the flow and enjoy !

p/s ; i promised myself before to write four entry during Ramadhan but ehhh tiba tiba dah Syawal. my bad but sorry 😆. Happy Eid Mubarak ❤✨.

p/ss ; i planned to publish this on pagi raya but suddenly sakit perut attack me. cant handle that hahaha.

thank you for spending your time here, semoga anyone who read this will surive their hard days simply. if you need help, dont worry– will happy to reply to your ws and dm :p !

Love,
Bella 💕!

“When Ramadan enters, the gates of Paradise are opened, the gates of Hellfire are closed and the devils are chained.” (Al-Bukhari

the one who knows me well will surely know how much i love Ramadhan. i personally will say that Ramadhan has it own special feelings which bring calmness to many person who are seeking for it ❤.

everyone will notice that when it comes to Ramadhan, most of the people will tend to become more religious. well for me, that isn’t hypocrite. we all are trying to bring ourselves closer to Him. we all are trying to do what we were created to do. may this Ramadhan become a great starter for us to try new ibadah that we might never consistently did before. and plus, this is the right time for us to purify our souls and prove that Allah is as important to us as what we claimed.

some of us might say that having Ramadhan during MCO is something new that taking away Ramadhan’s special feelings. but hold on, let us view it on the other side. having Ramadhan during MCO is a bonus for us to completely focus only on our ibadah. having Ramadhan during MCO is a bonus for us to spend these quality time(s) with our beloved one (read ; fambam ✨). this is something new that we rarely experienced before. well said, every situation always has 2 sides of view. we are the one who are going to choose the side. have faith and always choose the kind one.

and for me, Ramadhan in MCO is the right time for us to re-think our priorities as we are given the chances to pause and take a breath. everyone’s priorities might be different, but in choosing our prorities always remember to choose the kindness and something that will bring us closer to him. choose something that will make you focusing and loving yourself more.

“if you love someone tell them while they are still alive”- FJ

and, i also think that Ramadhan in MCO is the perfect time for us to take a few minutes and checking up our loved ones. tell them that you love them, tell them that they are matter. we never know how our simple kindness could bring happiness in someone life. (side note : some of you might feel like iam trying to avoid myself from you guys. but all i can explain is, iam currently struggling with my inner feelings. i really hope that i can explain better but the better explaination will surely not be exposed here. hmu personally, and i might share it with you 😆. but whatever it is, always pin in your mind that you forever own your special place in my heart, i will always love you even at the moment you think iam not ❤✨).

Sheikh Hamza Yusuf once said “when lovers arent able to meet, the best thing is to send a book, or a letter. the lover will read that letter over and over. that is what the Quran is- a book, a letter from Allah, from the Beloved, to you. and because you love Allah, you read it over and over”. so dont forget to always spend our time by reading this special love letter. i know that you guys will surely do this even if i didnt mention it, but who knows that this might encourage you to do it consistently.

thank you for spending your time here, and i hope it’s not too late to let you know that you are matter ❤. may Allah gives us the eyes that see the good in people, a heart that forgives the worst and a soul that never loses faith. may all of us will always be under His protection and Care.

p/s ; i sacrifice my afternoon nap just to write this. hope you love it ! Ramadhan bulan mulia, jangan kita cemari dengan sikap buruk kita. ini adalah permulaan terbaik untuk kita tinggal semua benda tak elok yang kita buat selama ni. hold our heart, we know ourselves better. Selamat Berpuasa. kalau ada rezeki kita jumpa raya nanti oke ?

Love,
Bella 💕 !

when i was in form 3, i can clearly remember how iam eagerly want to pindah sekolah. my reason was simple “bahasa arab menengah atas susah. takut tak dapat catch up.” and exactly on my 16th birthday– i received an offer to continue my upper form year at my dream school (read ; SSP !)

but wait wait– tengok ni !

something that i never notice before, but looking back– percaturan Allah adalah lebih indah daripada apa yang kita rancang. wait– kita masih bukan pada main point this entry !

before entering form 5, i was aware that it is going to be a tough year– but i always remind myself “follow the flow, takde benda yang mustahil”. so i enter form 5 with full of spirit, almost tersungkur few times but thank god for sending me beautiful soul(s) around me to help me survive my spm year ((no shoutout, cause you know who you are)). i can still remember clearly the tonnes of sleepless night(s) demi nak buat latihan addmaths, few early morning(s) demi nak hafal bio ((walaupun kebanyakkannya tak bangun kahkah)), countless buku soalan math demi nak A+ math, thousands of air mata sebab penat, sebab rasa bodoh, sebab kecewa dgn diri sendiri, sebab takut, sebab tak yakin, sampaikan takde sebab pun saya nangis, and many more good memories. tanak cakap tu yang paling baik, tanak cakap saya dah letak sepenuh efforts, tanak cakap saya dah buat semuanya– but trust me, i gave my best.

a night before my result day– i texted few person sebab dah start rasa nervous. bila diaorang tanya apa yang exactly saya rasa, my answer is simple. “aku dah banyak kali patah hati, kalau result aku tak membanggakan– aku tak kesah perasaan aku. aku kesah perasaan orang yang berharap nak tengok aku berjaya. i never failed to make people around me proud, so iam scared if esok aku kecewakan diaorang.” long story short– saya dah dapat result. saya nangis yeay ! that day, saya rasa saya okay– but deep inside actually iam not. i dont know how to express my exact feelings. tengok orang lain dapat straight As, even straight A+ sangat membuatkan saya tak bersyukur langsung. saya insecure on somewhat else level sampai saya tidur 3 pagi sebab nangis :’) i keep blaming myself for not work harder, i keep blaming myself for not giving my best, i keep blaming myself sebab reject tawaran masuk SSP and i keep blaming myself for many more reasons.

but in the end– i actually learnt a lot. saya terlalu tengok orang yang lebih sampai lupa nak bersyukur. saya terlalu nak capai impian sendiri sampai lupa akan percaturan Allah yang much more indah. saya terlalu mempersoal sampai lupa nak tengok hikmah sebalik ketetapan yang tertulis. saya terlalu kecewa, sampai lupa yang rezeki Allah bukan pada result SPM semata mata. saya terlalu berharap sampai lupa yang pengetahuan Allah lebih dari semua pengetahuan. saya terlalu desire dengan impian sendiri, sampai langsung lupa bahawa saya sendiri yang doa supaya Allah permudahkan mana yang baik. saya terlalu tengok perkara yang saya tak capai kalini sampai lupa yang sebelum ni saya dah capai banyak benda.

and my main point here is– dalam kehidupan ni, sebenarnya kadang kadang kita perlu untuk jatuh tersungkur. supaya kita nampak kehidupan daripada pandangan bawah. supaya kita lebih bersyukur bila kita dekat atas. supaya kita tak terlalu tekejar dan belajar untuk berehat. supaya kita yakin dengan luasnya rezeki Allah. supaya kita menghargai dengan setiap cebis nikmat yang kita ada. supaya kita tahu, bukan nikmat itu yang kurang– cuma bersyukurnya yang sedikit. supaya kita sedar, kehidupan bukan sahaja memiliki setiap yang diingini tetapi belajar menghargai setiap yang menjadi rezeki. supaya kita tahu, kebahagian itu bukan sahaja dengan memiliki tetapi dengan mensyukuri. supaya kita sedar yang apa apa terjadi, Allah adalah sebaik pergantungan dan pengharapan. supaya kita sedar, kunci utama kehidupan itu adalah bersyukur, bukanlah bahagia. supaya kita nampak betapa kufurnya kita terhadap nikmat selama ini.

i wont say iam fine with what happend– tapi kalau ini adalah cara yang terbaik untuk saya belajar lebih bersyukur, maka ini adalah yang terbaik. rezeki Allah itu luas, janji Allah itu pasti. kalau bukan disini, moga Allah hadirkan rezeki kepada kita dalam bentuk yang lebih baik dengan cara yang kita tak akan pernah terduga, dan semoga kita tak tergolong dalam golongan yang kufur nikmat. aamiiin ❤

dalam banyak banyak teguran Allah, kalini yang paling cantik, kalini yang paling terkesan. if you are currently struggling– always remember yang ada hikmah Allah yang kita masih belum nampak, mungkin bukan sekarang. tak salah obses dengan impian tapi jangan sampai kita limit our happiness. okay ?

side note !! i always thank god for sending acik to help me through out my hard days. i couldnt feel better this fast is acik wasnt here. yayang acik ❤ !

Love, Bella.

hm, hello ?

i personally dont even sure who will i allow to read this, but issa new year. so please allow me to try something new 👀.

i love and enjoy reading other person’s blog and journey, it feels like they allow me to know them better and get closer to them. without any relevant reason, i started google-ing and signed up my own blog. hoping that i will consistent to this and start to write my own journey, not to impress anyone but just to dedicated those memories so i can still remember it again later.

so yea, will see how this one will turn to.

Love, Bella.