to expect.

few weeks ago, i was in preparation mode for my final. won’t claim that it was easy but all i could say is, it was bearable. and through out the preparation, i noticed some changes on myself which brought us to the discussion of today’s topic.

i personally own a habit where i love to predict the questions that will come out in the examination. for example, for our malaysian legal system’s paper, one of the topic that was listed is “islamic law as a source of law”. from the sub-topics, i will generate among expected questions and answers so that those ideas could guide me in answering later. as said, this is my style and this is what i usually do in study week. and to make sure i can do this, the basic thing that is needed is i have to know on what topics are going to come out in the examination first, and usually the lecturers will let the students aware of this, i guess that is how university works, maybe. [back then when i was in high school, they called this as ‘peruncingan’]

despite that, one of the subjects that i took this semester (which is the last paper) insisted to not give the peruncingan to the students based on the reason that it is going to be an open book test, hence this is not needed. well, i would not say that it is an issue but i noticed something a day before the paper of this subject.

usually, the night before or few hours ahead from the paper– i only do some light reading and scanning. or in simpler words, i didn’t study much. i spare some space in mine so that i won’t be overload until i cannot digest the questions later. but this style of mine changed when i was preparing for the last paper. i don’t really know sure what to guess and what to prepare except for well-understanding all of the topics. i was super anxious few hours before the paper started and i can barely nap in the afternoon since my brain keeps working on “what if the question asked this, am i prepared yet ?”. this whole situation was super different compared to my reaction for previous paper.

long, short story– i come to a conclusion ; we, human beings tend to be more scare especially in situation where we can’t even imagine and expect what would happen next.

iam not sure that if this applies to you but i think it is. we were scared to sit for our first paper of spm because we have no idea what would be asked. we were scared to begin our university life because we don’t know what should be done. we were scared to be friend with certain person because we can’t figure on which styles they are. we were scared to be in a team with strangers because their way of working are not something that we are familiar with. we are scared towards thing that we don’t know the answer.

and in case no one tell you, iam going to remind you that it is fine to feel so 🙂

it is fine to feel scared because we that is a sign that we take it seriously. and it is fine to feel scared because we want to control among things that we can.

but what more important is, we have to know on how to overcome this scared. living in it won’t help us to grow better unless we excel on how to turn it into something that is beneficial. different situation requires different approaches but the least that could be done is to remind ourselves that in the end, there are thousand things that are beyond our control. and for these thousand things, we let Him decides because His decision will harm no one 🖤.

and this remind me of one situation. few years back, a guy-senior of mine asked for a relationship advices thingy. it was a long conversation with him but i can re-call a part where i mentioned him regarding “make her feel belonged and give her that assurance”. i know some of the guy(s) always view girl(s) as a complicated human being, but i could guarantee you that the most crucial thing that you have to tick off from the list is to give her the assurance. provide her some insight on what would happen to both of you 5 and 10 years from now, so that she could view you as part of her future.

—- enough with the dr.cinta part, let us continue back to our point—-

again, my point is– it is okay to feel scared but knowing how to overcome it is more important. if you are scared upon things that you can make change (example ; preparation of exams, insight on your university life and the list goes on), then do something that you would happy to look over again.

no one is demand you to be perfect or to ace every exams or even to never face any heart breaks, but knowing what to expect is always better than not knowing what to expect.

p/s : it is been a year (plus minus) since my last post, but thank you for reading, if you are. iam doing fine, worry not but i dont think iam able to write (except the academical ones) unless it is semester break. i have lot more to share, but for now i think this is an end.

iam going to campus few more days from the day iam posting this. nothing more i hope except for du’a from everyone so that iam fine academically, physically and mentally. and i hope everyone is doing fine too ! never ever forget that be kind is always one of the options, but that is not the best option in every situation.

if you are struggling, just so do you know that it will end, soon, sooner than you thought ❤

love,
Bella ❤