more than a month here– iam still Bella. if you ask me what’s changing, my answer would be ; “nothing change, except for your girl getting stronger and wiser day by day”. sounds cliche, but that’s the truth.
entering to the phase that i have been waiting for so long, it is not only about those happy side, also about the tough one.
if you are curious what’s going on with my life, let me sum it up for you ;
– weekdays ; wake up, prepare myself to the library or classes, lunch, either library or classes again (HAHAHAHA), back to my room, dinner, revision and sleep !
-weekends (mcm fun sikit, mcm la.) ; wake up lambat ikitt hihi, prepare myself, kemas
my compartment, either buat notes or assignments or revisions or group discussion, lunch, long nap HAHAHA, jalan jalan stadium, dinner, study stuffs and sleep ! (( itu kalau minggu ada kerja banyak la, kalau minggu takdek kerja, i would watch movie, lepak cafe lama lama, dengar lagu sambil conteng and bazirkan masa la 🤣.))
but yea, not everyday went as smooth as what i wrote. semestinya ada hari yang i woke up with full of spirits, buat kerja dekat library 5 to 6 hours non stop and also ada hari yang i boleh focus on laptop 3 jam and siapkan mana mana assignment yang ada sekelip mata, but still ada hari yang i broke down to the lowest point of myself– the moment where i tak tahu nak share dengan sapa, the moment where i rasa i tak nak tempat meluah sebab i just wanna be home, the moment where i rasa i tanak cakap apa apa and just nak someone call me so that all those feelings fade away. but in the end, turning back to Him is my choice.
answering why iam writting today, not only because saya free takdek apa apa nak buat, but i need to pour out as much as i can so that i will stay sane. so that i could clear some space inside me for things that coming.
these few weeks have been quite tough for me (and everyone i guess) where i have to maximise my time at the library so that i can finish more works, where i have to push myself so that i could done those self-note that i love to do, where i always end up laying on the bad and crying alone so that the burden feel little lesser. no, iam not complaining, iam not saying that iam happy– but iam trying to share that it is fine to have bad days after dozen of good days.
this entry messy, i know. but i dont have time to plan what i write but i still need to write, so tadaaaaa. in the end, semua yang kita rasa tu, semua matter. no one has the right to underestimate apa kita rasa, no one has the right to judge apa kita lalui and no one has the right to paksa kita stay possitive. so dont let them control you. just embrace with what you feel and i hope you wake up the next day with better feelings. being apart from family obviously makes us feel like we dont have any place to hold to– but then, that is a lie. because they will always be there for us. seek for help and dont feel bad for doing so. just because you accept someone help, it doesnt mean you weak. because it means you normal ❤. just want to let you know that there is no day passed without me praying the best to all of us. may Allah ease our way and shower us with His non-stop blessings.
goodluck everyone ! we have started, so there is no other reason to stop unless we have finish it with the goals that achieved ❤. keep going, keep moving– there are dozens of hope that you need to statisfy.
iam sorry for these quite messy writting, because iam obviously dont have enough time. i hope everyone doing well and aware that iam always here for all of you. gtg because your girl need to do what she have to do ! take care !
Love,
Bella 💕 !
another side of that girl. 