blessings.

yesterday evening was a random one– i talked with yana. from discussing about the uni life, we suddenly jumped into gadget conversation and into iphone topics. it was a nice dropping opinions session but i also realised something about myself.

saya manusia normal, keinginan kita tak jauh beza. but iam not an old Bella anymore, not the Bella who measured her happiness based on materials.

i wont deny that if i can get all those materials that i really want, it can make me happy.
–but then i know. it wont last forever. the “in-trend” stuffs will always be replaced with something new.

i wont deny that if i can turn back time and change all those stupid mistakes, it can make me happy.
–but then i realised. if i could change everything, saya takkan berdiri dimana saya berada dengan kekuatan ini. all those mistakes is the reason why iam improving myself day by day.

i wont deny that if i can turn back time and experience the same things again, it can make me happy.
–but then i discover. if i could repeat the same memories again and again, i wont appreciate every moment that i have, just because i know that i can feel it again.

i wont deny that if i can make someone loves me forever, it can make me happy.
–but then i noticed. no matter how hard i try, they will surely leave me — sooner or later. maybe they wont leave me because of someone else, but they will leave me to meet the Creator.

i wont deny that if i can get easier way to achieve my target, it can make me happy.
–but then iam sure. i wont appreciate every single hard works that i made and the statisfaction wont be same.

wait,
jangan salah faham lagi. saya bukan nak judge awak. if you are happy with those small little things, alhamdullilah– good for you.

dan saya, bukan saya tak happy dengan semua tu, cuma tu bukan ukuran kebahagian saya. kerana bagi saya, definisi bahagia itu subjektif dan luas. and my definition would be ; iam totally bahagia when iam at a position where i appreciate everything around me, even at the moment saya tak suka pun keadaan tu ❤.

no, iam not trying to lecture you. iam not trying to say your defination of happiness is wrong. iam not trying to say that your happiness is temporary. but iam trying to share with you, how happy you could be if you started to view your current position in different side.

i also was once in a place where i thought “kalau aku ada ni, mesti aku happy”, “kalau lahir lahir anak orang kaya, mesti best”. but comparing what i have with someone who own something better than mine– wont help me at any point. pointless.

saya normal, kadang ada waktu saya imagine untuk ada kehidupan dari sisi yang berbeza. but instead of berimaginasi kosong, saya simpan setiap details imaginasi saya– supaya ia bertukar menjadi impian yang akan saya usahakan. dan milikinya, satu hari nanti– doakan ❤.

we move too fast. kadang sampai tak sedar, kita sebenarnya dah berada di tempat lebih daripada selesa. sometimes, all we need is to pause for a while– look around and realise, how far you have come from where you were before. that’s it 🥺.

wallahi, iam not from a rich family. iam from an average one. but my family always tried their best to provide what i need. even not what i dream. there is where i learn to appreciate every single things that i have. there is where i learn to always bersyukur dan merasa cukup. itu sahaja.

iam not good at writting, tapi kalau saya diberi peluang– there are more than tonnes of story that i would love to share, so that you can view your life better. this topic is too big for a little girl like me to write it well, but i tried my best. iam good at talking, not writting– hmu if you ever feel bad about yourself. will surely be there to help you, no worries 💕.

ukuran kebahagian itu pada dasarnya harus menjadi sesuatu yang kekal, yang sentiasa relevan dan tidak pernah berubah. ukuran kita mungkin berbeza, but your happiness shouldnt be something that non-temporary. namun doa saya semoga awak sentiasa bahagia walau tanpa perkara yang awak impikan ✨.

Love,
Bella ❤.